The woeful state of smartphones in 2025

I remember getting my first experience with games when I was probably around 3 or so. I was at a daycare at someone’s house and in the basement one of the kids of the daycare provider was playing what looked like Sonic The Hedgehog on the computer. I had no idea how or why this game worked but I remember being mesmerized by it. The colors and the way you moved Sonic around looked exhilarating and all the other kids were huddled around the computer watching the bigger kid play it. From that point forward I was enchanted by video games. My older brother had a PS1 and then a DS that I coveted playing constantly. When my parents would fight I remember one instance hiding somewhere quieter and focusing on playing Mario Pinball on the GBA. My one true escape from the plagues of life and the harsher truths of reality.

I didn’t really focus on bigger picture things for a long while. I figured I’d get my grades at a level that my mother would be satisfied with. My dad was in the picture for a while and eventually faded out when I became an adolescent. Visiting him and his wife was always something I hated doing. I spent long sessions just playing 3DS and avoiding them as much as I could at their apartment. One of the last gifts I ever got from him was a refurbished PS2 and some games from a now defunct game store. I remember being super pleased about it but somewhat sad as well. My life was emptier and more chaotic at the same time with him in it. After we ceased contact I moved on with my life, getting through high school and getting into my first relationship with a girl. Video games were always a constant, as I played well into the late hours of the night with my friends with minecraft or bonding over Pokemon with my best friend who passed away in 2020. I always thought there would be a place for them in my life or that if I kept collecting more then I would find peace.

I think now I’m at a point in my life where I want to let go. I need to try new things and get my life going. I thought having just a Wii in the living room would be okay. Entertaining my wife or other friends when they come over would make it useful, but the reality is that it ignites pathways in my brain that just aren’t healthy. I have an addiction to porn that makes playing video games untenable, since it ignites the same spots in my brain that want to use it. I’m not ashamed of having spent so much time on them. There are some genuinely good experiences I had that I wouldn’t trade for anything else. But at some point as with everything else, modernity and its distractions from the real physical and spiritual experiences that bring meaning to life no longer have the same pull on me. I’m looking at the electrician trade since I no longer want to sit behind a desk and computer all day.

Quitting video games (forever?)