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Consumerism strikes again (I am imperfect)

Dec. 18 2025

photo of Sony Xperia phone
So I got a Sony Xperia 10 VII recently. It cost about $500 with a few extras (the case, the screen protector). While I enjoy it, I can’t help feeling guilt over spending that much money on what’s essentially a black mirror constantly trying to steal my soul. I’ve always bought used or refurbished phones for as long as I can remember. My favorite of them all being the Sony Xperia XZ1 Compact, which I paid about $150 for last year. While I eschew the concept of having a smartphone as repugnant and unworthy of my time, I still find myself drawn into it nonetheless. I’m essentially a walking contradiction. In my quest to constantly live according to my morals and virtues, I run into the wall of participating in society versus not. Not participating is the ideal, but I feel the fear of missing out on connecting with loved ones and friends. Not that that isn’t possible without a smartphone, but I deal with this irrational fear regardless.
I have it ingrained in me that smartphones are like a paddle and I’m on a canoe. If I don’t have a paddle and I’m in the middle of the massive lake, what can I do but feel fear in that moment? I have to work on this fear obviously, and I know it’s not rational. Plenty of people have ways of living without a smartphone and all of its BS. I suppose I just want to fit in with everyone and everything else. I like to think of myself as independent minded, and in some ways I am, but the reality is that I struggle with this feeling of isolation and disconnectedness. I have no doubt I would’ve felt this regardless of the smartphone age, it’s just that being in this time makes that feeling more prominent in my mind than it needs to be.
Ideally this will be my last smartphone purchase for a long long time. I want to make this one last as long as possible. I don’t know what will be out there when this one goes defunct, but I’m hoping I’ll be at a point in my life where I don’t feel so fearful of it and default to the mainstream as a result. Not to mention not knowing whether these features that I enjoy will even still be there (headphone jacks, expandable micro SD cards, etc).